


Refraction

by veridian



Category: Granblue Fantasy (Video Game)
Genre: Bedside Vigils, Hopeful Ending, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-25
Updated: 2020-12-25
Packaged: 2021-03-10 17:07:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,146
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28310604
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/veridian/pseuds/veridian
Summary: "I kept on living because I knew you were still breathing."Nehan had said these words once to Seox; now, Seox is the one looking forward to saying them back.
Relationships: Nehan/Six | Seox (Granblue Fantasy)
Kudos: 19
Collections: GBF Secret Santa 2020





	Refraction

**Author's Note:**

> i wrote this for the gbf secret santa!! SEOX AND NEHAN HOLDING HANDS, COMING RIGHT UP.
> 
> nehan please wake up king

"It's good to see you again."

Seox pauses, ears folding slightly downward. Tien's always-steadfast expression barely changes, though she nods as though to indicate he doesn't need to reply as she gestures for him to follow her. Feower is glaring at him, dour as always, hands on his daggers as he brings up the rear.

Old habits are hard to break, Seox supposes.

"How are things?" he asks. "With the children?"

"Better." Tien sounds relieved, and Seox realizes it's the first time he's heard her speak without a weathered edge to her voice. "It's…better than I can ever remember. They've been able to play outside without worrying about needing to find…places to hide, and…"

"No thanks to that whole mess almost bringing the whole Magasin family down on our heads," Feower mutters, words thick with bitterness.

"I'm…"

"He's apologized enough, so try not to be so careless, Feower," Tien says, sharply, and even Feower's poisonous tongue silences itself in response. "Here's where Nehan is. Take your time."

"Has he improved at all?"

Tien shakes her head. "Mugen says sometimes he twitches."

It's about what he expected, then. Feower seems to be content with staying in the room as well, shooting wary looks at the comatose man and the Eternal who came to visit him, until and even during Tien's efforts to shoo him out of the room; eventually, the only two survivors of the Karm clan are left alone.

Once he's alone with Nehan, though, he doesn't really know what to do. Take his mask off, he supposes—no one will be able to see his face, after all. He lays it down on the bedside table, where an untouched glass of water sits. It must have been Mugen who left it here.

"I'm glad he's visiting you," Seox mumbles, unsure of what else to say. "He misses you."

He almost wishes Mugen were here right now, if only to make it feel less like a fool's errand to talk to someone who can't hear him. Or perhaps Djeeta's father, who always knew exactly what to say to encourage him—or the captain herself, so much like her father in ways she doesn't even know about. Even one of the other Eternals would do.

When did he start to take comfort in the presence of others? It must have been recently, but the more he thinks about it, the further back in his memory he can recall warmth from another's hand. Djeeta's, as she dragged him across the ship to include him. Her father before her, his hand seeming so large in the memories of when he was small.

It seems selfish to reflect on how far he's come, when all that progress is responsible for the state Nehan is in. Nehan, who he's sure couldn't take as much comfort as Seox has been able to in his bonds with others; Nehan, who suffered so much in Seox's stead—

"This was a mistake." Seox reaches for his mask, affixing it firmly back onto his face. There's no one to see the way his eyes scrunch in self-hatred, but he wants to hide it all the same.

He gets up to leave, but the door to Nehan's room swings open again, the frame shaking with the force of it opening. "Seox!"

Seox's fingers fumble along the edge of the mask, making sure it won't fall as a mountain of a man lumbers toward him. "Mugen."

"Tien say you come visit Nehan!" The draph looks over at the glass of water, eyes brimming with hope, though they dull just a bit when he sees it's still full. It's now that Seox notices he's carrying a pitcher; he'd obviously been hoping he'd need to use it. "Not wake up yet?"

"No, not yet." Seox follows Mugen's gaze to the glass. "Do you bring him water every day?"

Mugen nods. "Nehan…no drink while sleeping. Must be…thirsty." He sets the pitcher down by the glass.

"If he…" Seox pauses; words like _if_ probably won't help, he realizes. "That is, when he wakes up, I'm sure he'll be grateful."

"Grateful? Happy? Will Nehan smile? Mugen want to see smile from Nehan." Mugen gives Seox a big grin himself. "And you too!"

Seox wants to protest that he doesn't have the right to smile, but he can hear the captain's voice chiding him in his head at the thought. "It would be nice to see him happy."

Mugen points to the stool where Seox had been sitting previously. "Then sit with Mugen! Mugen will sit on floor."

"I…" Seox feels his throat going dry. "I can't—"

"Here!" Mugen has already taken a seat, though even seated he's the tallest thing in the room. "I take one hand. You take other side. Then, Nehan become happy!"

Seox thanks every star in the sky that he managed to put his mask back on in time, because he's sure that his face is so red from anxiety that it's glowing. But Mugen's expectant gaze feels like two tons of pressure on his shoulders, and he wonders if Nehan would call this fate, too—something to push him along, to encourage him to stay when he'd already decided to leave.

He shoves the thought out of his head as he gingerly takes Nehan's hand.

"Tien says, Nehan can hear Mugen. But you tell story too, Seox."

"I don't really…have any stories…"

"Tien says, any story is good."

Seox stares at the ceiling. As expected, she and Feower are great with children. He's not sure if what she's telling him has any basis in fact or if it's just a gentle lie to make Mugen feel better about not having Nehan in his life.

He supposes he can always ask people more well-versed in medicine than he is, but if the answer is that Nehan can't hear it, it's not an answer he's looking forward to hearing.

"Well…" Seox clears his throat. "The Grandcypher…that is, the people on the boat who helped us before…everyone is doing well. The captain asked how you were doing, Nehan. You too, Mugen."

"The nice lady? Pet lizard?"

Seox can hear Vyrn's protests ringing in his ears even though he must be hundreds of miles away. "Yes."

"She not visit?"

"She'll visit later. She has some important jobs to do."

Mugen nods in a way that seems understanding, but the way his eyebrows furrow indicates he doesn't really get it. Seox doesn't bother confusing him by offering an explanation—what's important is he understands Djeeta hasn't forgotten about Nehan.

He squeezes Nehan's hand, hoping he realizes the same thing—that he's still thought of, even now. There's no way he can express how much everyone is rooting for him, despite all he's done—he doubts he'd believe it even if he heard it, because those same doubts still live in every unswept corner of his own heart.

He hopes what Tien said is true. If Nehan can hear him, then maybe he'll be able to use this time to accept that there's a place for him among people who care about him.

"We had to fight a big monster the other day," Seox continues. "There's another erune herbalist on board who we brought along, though he's no relation to the Karm clan. Perhaps the two of you would get along."

"Friend for Nehan!" Mugen booms. "Same job!"

Seox's ears flatten in an effort to protect themselves from the volume of Mugen's voice. Nehan's don't so much as flutter.

"Have his ears ever moved when you talk, Mugen?" It's another question he isn't sure he wants to know the answer to, but it spills from his mouth before he can bite it back.

Mugen looks like he wants to respond, but Tien quietly opens the door, peeking inside the room. "Mugen, here you are," she says. "I know you're with Nehan right now, but my brothers are asking you to come play. Do you have time?"

"Yes! Mugen come play!" Mugen lets go of Nehan's hand, gently placing it on his chest. "Seox, stay?"

Seox nods. "I'll stay. Have fun."

Tien watches the overgrown child lumber out of the room, a soft smile on her face, before turning her gaze back onto Seox. "I figured you were at your limit."

"Thank you." He's just as grateful that he doesn't need to explain himself, either. He doesn't dislike Mugen's company, but carrying a conversation is exhausting, and he was beginning to veer it into a difficult place despite his better judgment.

"Are you worried?" Tien asks. She must have heard his question to Mugen. When Seox doesn't answer, she continues, "I'm sure we've all told you this so often you're sick of it, but this isn't your fault."

Seox doesn't answer her. She sighs softly and leaves, closing the door gently behind her.

"The only one who deserves to judge whether or not this is my fault is you, Nehan," he says. "But I'm sure that even then, you'll say it was fate…" It's something he's been thinking about, what fate really is; abstract thoughts that he can't share with anyone, not even Djeeta. But Nehan, he thinks, will understand.

"If you can hear me, then you have no choice but to listen now, right?" he continues. "Then _listen_. If there is such a thing as fate, it's something we create ourselves. To say that it was fate that brought me here today…that it was fate that you found Mugen…that it was fate that Djeeta's father reached out to me…all of that is disregarding the feelings of everyone who made those choices." Of course, he understands he's doing the same thing, by hesitating even now to seek happiness. But it's one thing to commit to following a path and another thing entirely to take the first step.

That's why he's here, after all. Because this _is_ the first step.

"And to say that it was fate that I…ruined your life…" Seox shakes his head. "I understand. You're looking for a reason for the violence that happened. I spent a long time looking for a reason, too. But there isn't, and it's something I have to accept. Of all the people in the skies, you're the only one who can understand that misery. And it's my responsibility to understand yours, as well." He squeezes Nehan's hand. "As the only other survivor of the Karm clan...and as someone who cares about you."

He's grateful, in some ways, that Nehan isn't awake to ask why that is. It's a question he's asked the Eternals, Djeeta, Djeeta's father more times than he can count; imagining having to answer it, he thinks he understands the pained looks on everyone's faces when they're tasked to answer it themselves.

"Nehan…" Seox sighs, shoulders drooping. "If we hadn't been born into the Karm clan…"

_Could we have been friends? Would we be friends now? Or perhaps…_

The words die in his throat and he shifts his weight, getting ready to stand. As he moves to withdraw his hand, he feels Nehan's fingers tighten around it almost imperceptibly—an action so small, only the most powerful fistfighter in the sky would be able to feel it, accustomed as he is to sensing even the slightest movement. It's over just as quickly as it begins, barely a fraction of a moment, but Seox is sure of what he felt.

His gaze snaps to Nehan's face, but it's unchanged; there's no indication he's going to wake up, or of anything else at all, for that matter. Even so, Seox is still for several moments before pulling his hand away and letting go.

"I'll be back, Nehan." Seox tugs the blanket draped over him a bit higher, tucks it around his shoulders, and opens the window, preparing to bail out of it, because he knows Tien is still in the hallway, and the last thing he wants to do is trouble her any more than he already has.

A thought occurs to him, and he picks up the glass of water by Nehan's bedside, carefully pours it out over the windowpane before refilling it with the pitcher Mugen had brought in before.

He probably won't need it. But maybe he will, and it's that distant, faint, but persistent hope that gives him the courage to leave his bedside, to return to the Grandcypher at the time he promised, to keep moving forward with his life. The words Nehan had once spoke to him echo in his head—"I kept on living because I knew you were still breathing."

Seox has other reasons to keep living, of course, even if it's taken him this long to come to terms with them. But knowing Nehan is still breathing…

It's an easy one to add to the list.


End file.
